Assume Positive Intent: Another View

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

One of my personal parenting principles (say that ten times fast!) is Assume Positive Intent, as regular readers realize (say that ten times fast!). I've written about it here and there, and sometimes I've explained it well, and sometimes I think my explanation has been a little confusing.

Assume Positive Intent is a useful tool for helping me figure out what to do in a situation that requires Thoughtful Parenting. API is a reminder to me that the child is not necessarily trying to misbehave on purpose in order to turn my hair gray or make my eyes shoot red laser beams (although sometimes that is certainly the case).

API means that the kid is doing X because she is trying to fulfill a real actual (in other words, positive) need or desire that she has. She may not understand that X is dangerous/annoying/completely irrational and she may not care. The point is that the motivation behind her behavior isn't necessarily bad--it's misdirected.

Here's another way to understand Assume Positive Intent from an Objectivist point-of-view. (I almost don't know why it never occurred to me to explain it this way before.) When the kid is doing something you'd rather he not do: whining, hitting, being aggressive with his siblings, jumping like a maniac all over the house, think of what he's doing this way--he is pursuing his self-interest irrationally. He is making a mistake about how to go about getting what he believes to be in his self-interest.

We want our kids to be rationally selfish, to pursue self-interest. In the Introduction to The Virtue of Selfishness, Ayn Rand wrote (original emphasis):

Just as man cannot survive by any random means, but must discover and practice the principles which his survival requires, so man’s self-interest cannot be determined by blind desires or random whims, but must be discovered and achieved by the guidance of rational principles. This is why the Objectivist ethics is a morality of rational self-interest—or of rational selfishness.

(Via the online Ayn Rand Lexicon)

Often selfishness is misunderstood by non-Objectivists, because of the way the word selfishness is more commonly used. Rational selfishness, or rational self-interest, does not mean "every man for himself" or that pursuing one's self-interests is a license to stomp all over others in one's path. Again, from the Introduction to The Virtue of Selfishness (my emphasis in bold; original emphasis in italics):

The Objectivist ethics holds that the actor must always be the beneficiary of his action and that man must act for his own rational self-interest. But his right to do so is derived from his nature as man and from the function of moral values in human life—and, therefore, is applicable only in the context of a rational, objectively demonstrated and validated code of moral principles which define and determine his actual self-interest. It is not a license “to do as he pleases” and it is not applicable to the altruists’ image of a “selfish” brute nor to any man motivated by irrational emotions, feelings, urges, wishes or whims.

Quite a lot of parenting has to do with helping kids put the rational into "rational self-interest." The self-interest part comes very naturally, as far as I can tell. They want things for themselves, and they want things first, and they want more than other people, and quite frankly, they might be willing to kill someone over who gets a turn with that helicopter. (I'm not prepared to test that supposition for real, though.)

It's that pesky rationality! Kids are developing this skill all the time, and the gray matter with which to perform this necessary function is still in development-mode, too. Part of what makes parenting such a frustrating endeavor for me is that I'm dealing with people who are irrational (or sometimes a-rational, when they're really little perhaps). So it helps me to remember that when they are annoying the ever-loving-crap out of me, it's because they are trying to pursue their self-interests, and they are doing so in an irrational manner.

The Positive Discipline peopleguys (Jane Nelsen and Lynne Lott) have developed a tool called the Mistaken Goal Chart (here's a link to a site where you can buy a copy of it, but it's also included in many of the Positive Discipline books). They derived the chart from different premises, but the tool is very useful because the underlying idea is essentially the same--kids are trying to satisfy a valid need and are going about satisfying that need in the wrong way. Maybe I'll write more about the similarities and differences in another post.

Back to these kids and their misbehaviors. Or maybe we should reframe that word, look it as a contraction of sorts: mis(taken)behaviors, instead of mis-- as in "wrong?" Anyway.

• So, shrieking in my ear? You want my attention, and are attempting to get it in a mistaken way.

• Grabbing toys from your baby brother? You believe it to be in your self-interest to have a turn with that toy, and are going about fulfilling it in a non-rights-respecting way.

• Want to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, dinner, elevensies, second breakfast, etc.? Not in your rational self-interest over the long-term.

• Think the only way to resolve a conflict with another is to resort to your fists, or run and hide and pretend there is no conflict, or always give in to the other person's demands? None of those strategies are rational (using brute force, evasion, or subverting your self-interests to another's).

In each of those instances of mistaken goals, or pursuing self-interest irrationally, a parent may (but perhaps not always) need to step in and guide, communicate, restrict, provide teaching or a tool, or set a limit in a dozen ways. This assumption of positive intent, the realization that the child is attempting to satisfy his self-interest in a mistaken or irrational manner, really helps shape MY attitude in dealing with the mis(taken)behavior. (I like that!)

I can make sure that the parenting I do is focused on the long-term and helping the kids understand why the limit I'm setting really is in their rational self-interest. It's also easier for me to remain calmer and focused on guiding and helping them out in a kind and respectful way (as opposed to punishing or shaming them with guilt or bribing them for short-term results), which in turn strengthens the relationship I have with each of them (for each is a rational value of mine, and I hope that when they're grown they choose me as a rational value, too).

And that is another way to look at Assume Positive Intent! :o)

Good Things & PD Update

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

Okay. Let me tell you a little bit about my day. We started off as usual--sleepy baby heads, breakfast, half-nakedy little girls, talking . . .

Then I lost my temper over, yes--you guessed it--vitamins. Well, not really vitamins. It was actually the irritating hectoring over when I was going to get to the vitamin part of my priority list. When, I ask you? WHEN? Well, I flipped my cookies, and then made Ryan crack up over the phrase "flipped my cookies" and then further amazed him by slamming closing the door to the cabinet under the sink with a little more force than I usually do . . . which resulted in the fake cabinet panels on that part of the cabinet becoming, uh, dislodged.

Not. My Best. Mommy. Morning. Trust me, you couldn't be any more disappointed in me than I already am.

I did have a bit of an epiphany though, which I'm hoping will lead to improvement. Diana, on Twitter (follow me today!) made a comment that made me realize more fully than I ever had before that I tend to lose my temper when I am NOT concentrating on trying to communicate kindly and firmly. When I'm distracted by something else. Today, in this case, it was because I was listening (we all were) to the audio version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Not only was the incessant relentless bugging getting on my nerves--that I could have handled. But when my listening to Harry Potter was interrupted? Well, obviously, that's a Real Problem! Sigh.

Then Sean had what can only be termed as a precursor to a real live temper tantrum. OMG. Not even Ryan had such a fit at such a young age. Ryan has always been an intense kid--but Sean has always had a temper. His fit today lasted about half an hour and was extremely intense (temper + persistence = intensity?). My only hope at this point is that he'll get this stuff out of his system at a slightly younger age than the other two, and we'll be through with it a bit sooner? I know. Grasping at straws. But that's all I've got right now. Dude.

Things were improving, and I was assisting Ryan in DOING. HIS. OWN. LAUNDRY! (yeah!) when all of a sudden, Sean tried to sit down backwards on the top stair, missed, and toppled head over heels down the stairs. I will never get that image erased from my mind. He bounced, and I'm so not kidding.

I nearly had a heart attack. Seriously, I have never been so aware of adrenaline surging through my body, not ever. I sent Ryan scrambling for the phone so I could call Brendan, and gingerly picked Sean up. He was screaming, but appeared okay. In fact, he was perfectly okay. Within a couple of minutes, as soon as I had Brendan on the phone, Sean was calm and composed and headed back up the stairs.

It was 12:45.

Can you believe I started this post to focus on Good Things?!?!?! :o)

Good Things about Today:

1. Morgan and Ryan doing their own laundry. Good. Yes. Very, very good.

2. Morgan and Ryan cooperating in a happy, helpful way in cleaning up their rooms. Oh yeah!

3. Our friends Kelly and Aaron and Livy came over for dinner and we got to see them all for the first time in about 10 days (they are recently returned from vacation). Yay for good friends and catching up on all the latest.


Yes, things definitely improved this afternoon and into the evening. Because I'm not sure if I could have survived if things hadn't improved. Oh! And I got lots of laundry folded! And nobody splashed in the potty. And nobody broke any bones (although they tried). :o)

Oh, and I've been pretty good about using the One Word PD strategy in the last couple of days. "Door!" is the one I've used most often. "Stop!" and "Hands!" are close seconds. "Cereal!" is going to be taking the lead though, in the next couple of days.

I'm still over-explaining things a bit too much for Morgan's taste, I think. But that's why I'm focusing on this, isn't it?

Ryan once told me that he didn't like it when I used One Word, because it felt like I was being too bossy. So I've been making an effort to say the word in a cheery, helpful tone instead of a mean old bossy tone. Rather makes a difference, I think.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Define Your Terms

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

Anyone who has ever participated in a philosophical or political debate or discussion understands that you won't get very far in explaining yourself if you and your discussion-buddy are defining your terms differently. Even the slightest difference can lead to fruitless misunderstanding. Always best to make sure everyone starts off on the same page.

After this amusing exchange with my daughter this morning, I've realized just how important defining your terms is outside of formal debate:

Me, making coffee in the kitchen: "Morgan, I noticed you didn't put on the underpants I laid out for you upstairs. Go put them on." (I put them in the hallway outside the bathroom where she was brushing her teeth and asked her several times to put them on before she came downstairs.)

She begins to wander aimlessly toward the family room.

Me: "Morgan, go upstairs. Your underwear is in the hallway by the bathroom."

She makes it upstairs and then calls down a few seconds later: "Where? Where? I don't see it!"

Me: "In the hallway by the bathroom!"

She, whining: "I can't find it!"

Me, feeling irritated: "In the HALLWAY by the BATHROOM!"

She: "What's a hallway?"

Alrighty then. So we all began our day with a little definition about the Parts of a House.

I really REALLY need to remember this the next time we're having one of those repetitive irritating discussions (predicting half a dozen more by the end of this day alone). Maybe I can save us all a little bit of frustration by saying something like "Are you confused about what I'm asking?" or "Is there something I'm asking you that you don't know how to do?" Hmmm....yes. Those might be useful parenting tools right there.

As an aside--it absolutely floors me that this child can read pretty well and count to 100 and use words like evidently correctly--and still didn't know what a hallway was. Funny how all that larnin' works, huh?

The One About Potty Training

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

A couple of you have asked about potty training and Positive Discipline and how that whole thing went down around here. I'm not sure I have any particular wisdom to share in this realm, since we have yet to have a smooth transition to the potty. But I'll share anyway, and perhaps you will learn from my mistakes!

I've heard of those kids who sort of potty train themselves and within a few days or weeks, after some miscalculations, mistakes, and messes, they're set! I even know several of these kids in person, so I know for a fact the existence of such creatures is not merely the stuff of playgroup mythology. Sadly for us, neither of our potty-trained children were these children.

Hmph.

The first time Ryan showed any interest at all in using the potty, he was 3 and Morgan was about 10 days old. I often wonder what would have happened if I had sucked it up--new baby, c-section post-op, and all--and just tried to get him going that very first time, if we could have avoided some of the stress and misery that lay in front of us. Oh well.

Flash forward about 9 months. Ryan, quickly approaching his 4th birthday, still had yet to do anything in a potty (outside of using it to store his trucks). I had really wanted him to initiate the potty training process, believing (and still do) that it's better to undertake such a project when the kid actually wants to do it.

We had done everything the experts recommend to prepare and encourage him: read potty books, placed the little potty in a convenient location, talked to him about it, put him on the potty whenever he looked like he needed to go. Not once did it work, and he resisted. But we were quickly growing impatient at having to change his diapers, particularly when he was so resistant to the diaper-changing process, too! (He was a very challenging 3 year old.)

So we had some more talks and bought exciting Spider-Man underwear and "toilet targets" and all of those other things you are supposed to do, declared "No more diapers!" because I'd read that sometimes such a declaration will nudge the little, ah, pooper along. After three days of absolutely no success, we decided to wait a little while longer.

And we went through this every month until he was nearly 4.

I was determined not to bribe him to use the potty, but I did break down at one point and gave him something (can't remember just what) after a few successes. But then the first time I didn't reward him, he looked at me and actually said "Well then why should I use the potty?" and peed his pants. Taught me a lesson about bribing him, that's for sure!

We cleaned up messes calmly for the most part, but I must admit that after a while, it was just SO HARD to stay calm every time. This was one of those "Why is he doing this TO ME?" things for me. I took it so personally--and I really can't say why. It just made me so mad. He is so bright and intelligent--why couldn't he get this? What was wrong with me? What had I done wrong? Was there something wrong with him? This was me, not at my PD parenting best, and even though I never hit him or put him in time out or any of those other punishing things--I punished him by my behavior--yelling and threatening and being too upset. Not only was he unhappy, I was unhappy with myself. :o(

It was so frustrating! He didn't seem to care that the other kids in his gymnastics and soccer classes were out of diapers. He didn't seem to care that he made a mess. He didn't seem to care that he was wet or poopy. And then I think it occurred to me one day--he didn't seem to care because he didn't care. And he wouldn't do it unless he really truly did care. Seems so obvious, doesn't it? Once I came to that place, it was easier overall to deal with it. I was able to get a handle on my own frustration and get back to approaching this in a more positive way.

So we kept on encouraging and talking about it--not every second, but when it seemed a natural time to bring it up, like when he followed one of us into the bathroom. Brendan showed him some guy techniques and I think he might have been mildly interested in that. :o) We had the potty out in the family room so he could get there easily and so it wouldn't interrupt his work too much.

The thing that finally got him motivated was his sudden interest in swimming lessons. Every program I looked into for 4 year olds and up required the kid to be potty trained. One mention of that requirement combined with his own actual real true desire--suddenly he wanted to! And he finally did. There were the usual miscalculations, mistakes, and messes, and within a few weeks, he did it!

What a relief! But what I didn't know is that there's no guarantee they'll stay potty trained. Huh? Yup.

I had always viewed potty training as a process with a definitive end result--someone who no longer needs diapers. Once the kid has reached that point, you're "done," right?

For the next 2 years almost, Ryan would experience bouts of potty regression. Just when I'd get comfortable leaving the house without backup pants, he'd start forgetting. A lot. He also developed a tendency to withhold his bowel movements, which fortunately, did NOT turn into true encopresis (which is a medical issue that can take years to clear up). The long and short of it is that he needed constant reminders to stop what he was doing and take care of his bodily functions. Constant. In particular, if he had been withholding, we'd make him sit on the potty every few hours for a couple of days to reestablish his "routine" again.

I can now confidently say that he's potty trained! And what we now know about Ryan is this: he does NOT want to interrupt his cerebral activities to take care of physical needs. This has been true in the potty realm and remains true about eating and drinking, too. We make sure he poops once a day--which he needs to do but still seems to delay until the end of the day sometimes--because he's too busy to stop! We also make him stop to rehydrate when he's playing outside on a hot day. We make him stop and eat something because he gets really cranky when he doesn't. The kid has a really hard time stopping, and that's just how he is. And now we know that! So what Brendan and I must do for this child is help him recognize the signals of his body, help him attend to them before things get too dire, and understand why it's important to take care of your body.

Now Morgan is a different story--but it's a shorter one, so bear with me! A few months before she turned 3, she announced to us that she'd be using the potty now. We were flying out of town that weekend, so we told her she could start once we got back from our trip, since I didn't want a brand new potty trainer at the airport. After my experience with Ryan, I was nervous about not taking the opportunity the moment it presented itself, but it couldn't really be helped.

We returned from our trip, set up the potty, and had a few days of Zero Success. I was disheartened, but determined not to make a big deal of it, since she was A.) interested and B.) actually doing something in the potty, and C.) a whole year younger than Ryan was when he trained. Sure enough, about a month later, she announced to us again that she was ready to try.

And after a few weeks of the usual miscalculations, mistakes, and messes, she was trained! Just before her third birthday, too. I couldn't believe it. And I was pretty excited, too, since the baby wasn't due for 3 more months, I figured her potty habits would have plenty of time to become ingrained and we wouldn't have to worry about that New Baby Potty Regression I had always heard about.

Hmph.

After Sean was born, Morgan did not act jealous; she did not try to jump on my lap every time I held the baby; she did not drop a shoe on his head (a classic Ryan maneuver). She was a wonderful, attentive, helpful Big Sister. Except for one. little. thing.

She completely and utterly stopped using the potty. She didn't go back to Square One--she reverted to Square Zero. And just in time for our big road trip to the beach! I hated to do it, but we did put her back in Pullups for that big trip, explaining that we just wouldn't be able to stop so many times for "let's just see" potty breaks. I just couldn't do it, not with a brand new baby, too (of course, we were careful not to make the baby the reason we couldn't stop).

And then she took a page out of Ryan's book, and the last 6 months or so have been a tale of starts and stops, a few weeks here, a few weeks there. Because of my experience with Ryan, I have handled it much, much better than I did with him, but there have been times with that old "Why are you doing this TO ME?" feeling would creep up and I've gotten upset with her. And then I'd remind myself to Assume Positive Intent and apologize to her and we'd all try again. With Morgan in particular, I've noticed an inverse correlation between my level of upsetness and her inclination to use the potty. So I've really learned to relax.

The last two months have been excellent, and while I still do take backup clothes for her most places we go, she has been very reliable. But I haven't really let my guard down all the way yet. :o)

Here are things I've learned, and hopefully will remember to apply them to Sean when it's his time:

• It really goes easier when the child is the one wanting to train, although, it's okay not to wait forever.
  

• There might be no definitive moment in time when the child is officially trained.

• Patience.

• Bribery backfired on us.

• Don't take it personally.

• Also, don't take it personally.

• If they are not successful, try to identify why--for me, it was so helpful to identify Ryan's not wanting to interrupt his work for ANYTHING, not just the potty. (I now know him much better than I did, and so I suppose that's the silver lining to this tale.)

• Feel them out before using the "You're a Big Kid" statement as a way to encourage them. Ryan hated that whole idea. Morgan LOVED the concept, and would proudly exclaim, "I'm a Big Girl!"
  

• Girls really need extra wiping help for a long time--Miss M keeps developing something called "vaginitis" which is similar to a diaper rash and is really painful.

• Give them towels so they can help clean up messes, just as they do when they spill drinks, etc. That's something they can be involved in.
  

• Buy tons and tons and tons of underwear. Save the fancy ones for after you're mostly sure they've got the idea (but be aware that you'll probably be going through those pretty quickly, too.)

• Buying fancy "kid" handsoap has encouraged handwashing, but stay away from the brand (can't remember--Huggies maybe? I go by the bottle) that has the "neon" colors because they stain. Especially the purple kind.
  

• Read all of those books and stash little potties everywhere and talk about it and learn the boy tricks and do all of those things you're supposed to do, because they really do help.

• Be sure to celebrate their accomplishment! They should be proud and you can share in it.
  

And never forget the wisdom of this time-honored Mommy mantra: This, too, shall pass.

This Will Be Funny One Day, Right? RIGHT?!?!?!

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

So one of the things we did while Brendan's family was in town was paint Morgan's room pink! She's been making do with the old green walls of the nursery, and the zoo animal wallpaper border, and a mish-mash of furniture new and old. (Sean's room will be our current guest room, so he's not in the old nursery.)

Tuesday was wet and rainy, our family brought old clothes and so we got a nice shade of pink paint from Home Depot and went to work! It's very pretty and I plan to touch up tonight.

So anyway, the kids were upstairs and quiet this afternoon--too quiet. I called up, "Whatcha doing?" Both of them, "Nothing!"

Suspicious, I headed upstairs with the baby. Ryan, obviously anticipating the next scene, tells me, "Morgan's painting her carpet." and skedaddled.

W. T. F.

Sure enough, I walk in to Morgan's room to discover her covered with pink paint, holding a dripping paint brush over her carpet. A glance at the paint can revealed the extra roller brush (sans roller) bobbing up and down in the paint can like the Titanic.

I didn't yell. (Go me!) I was, however, extremely upset, and a few oh-no-oh-noes escaped my lips.

Morgan burst into tears, dropped the paint brush and ran from the room. Sean, who is Mr. Emotional Mirror lately, also bursts into tears. I nearly did.

I got Morgan in the tub and washed off her hair, and she was screaming and sobbing, "Ryan told me to do it!" I gently reminded her that she is in charge of her own body and that she can always tell Ryan NO.

I called Ryan up and asked him if he told her to do it. "No," says he, "I think she misunderstood me. I told her NOT to paint her carpet." He repeated this a couple of times.

Now this is plausible. But I smelled a rat. So I told him, sitting on the bathroom floor, holding Sean, Morgan still wailing in the bathtub, "I need to know what's true. I'm going to give you one chance to tell me what the truth is, and I promise I won't get mad. Well--any madder than I already am--I'm pretty upset right now. But . . . if you tell me a lie right now, and then later I find out that you lied to me, well then I will be VERY upset, way more upset than I am right now. So I need you to tell me what really happened because I want to believe and trust you."

He stared at me for a second and then said, "Okay. What I said before was a lie and I want to tell you the truth now. I told Morgan that I thought she might like pink carpet and I told her to paint it."

And I didn't get mad. I kept my promise. (Go me again!)

I thanked him for telling him the truth, explained to both of them that wall paint does not come off of carpets the way kid paint does, and told them we'd figure something out. I gave them both a hug (Morgan got me all wet), and then put Ryan in charge of Sean while I went to inspect the damage.

It is everywhere and pretty much dried up. Sigh. Also, the walls were smeared in random spots (I fixed those as best I could with the still dripping paint brush).

So, what do we do--a creative use of rugs? Some of it we can cover up with furniture, but some we can't--right in front of the closet.

Funny one day, yes? :o) I must be feeling better because I can kind of see a glimmer of humor about it as I type.

Oh well. Even though this was kind of a disaster, I think I did some things right--I didn't yell. I did show how upset I was in an appropriate way--and even though Morgan got so sad, I think it's good for them to see that this made me mad. I got Ryan to tell me the truth and told him I was proud of him for telling me the truth. I explained about the difference between wall paint and kid paint.

And Morgan's room is just a leeeetle bit pinker than we had intended.

Grafitti Artist

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

The other day, Ryan asked me how to spell "ass." Okay, let me back up.

A week ago, we were in the waiting room of the dance studio while Morgan was having her ballet class. One of the other moms was telling a story about how someone wrote a "bad word that means 'butt'" on the wall.

Well, Ryan was naturally intrigued! I mean, who wouldn't be? What was the word? What could it be? Why was it Bad? The mom was visibly embarrassed as it was evident she had forgotten Ryan's presence when she told the story. He kept bugging me about it later, so I told him: Ass.

See, we don't do Bad Words as such around here. There are Rude Words that we only reserve for use at home (or, usually, in the car!). But they are not Bad Words. Well, they weren't Bad until the other day, that is.

So I explained that "ass" is one of those Rude Words. No problem.

But then he asked me how to spell it the other day and I told him. 'Cause you need to know how to spell stuff, right? We then meandered into an interesting discussion about the quirkiness of the English language and talked about "as" and "ass" and other things, too. I was amused by his request, but didn't think too much of it at the time.

Except . . . now the word "ASS" (with the second "S" writtten backwards) has been scrawled on the family room wall above the sofa! The letters are about a foot tall!

Fortunately, it's in pencil, so he'll be able to erase it tomorrow. :o)

I am just DYING with the hilarity of it. I actually noticed it several hours ago, but didn't mention it because I wanted to show it to Brendan (despite the height of the letters, the pencil is so faint that it's not immediately noticeable).

Sometimes when the kids do stuff that they shouldn't, I'm often about 50% amused, 50% upset/annoyed. This time I'm about 95% amused. Although I predict he'll try to blame it on Morgan, who has an alibi--me.

And I was once worried that he might not be inspired to learn to read or write!

Famous Last Words

(Originally posted at Rational Jenn)

So, we had something of a playdate here this afternoon, 3 moms, 3 boys, 2 girls. We moms were discussing the various differences between the genders, in particular how quiet it can be when it's just the girls, Morgan and her favorite playmate, L. Our boys can be, well, boisterous. It's just how they do.

Now while this conversation was happening, Morgan and L were in the playroom, which is separated from our family room by french doors, playing peacefully and quietly. Making our point for us, you see.

Ah, how quiet they were! How peaceful! And yes, something of a nice change from the battle cries and body slams of the male offspring. Girls can be so calm and chill, and--dare I say it?--easy. Why, we can actually carry on a conversation when the girls are playing nearby! Can't do that with the boys--they have to be waaaaay outside in the backyard if any meaningful conversation is to be had.

See? This is what you get for tempting the Fates.

Just a few minutes after that, one of the moms--who has 2 of the 3 boys here today--happened to stroll by the playroom only to discover that L was calmly, quietly, and peacefully giving Morgan a haircut.

!!!!!!!

It's not bad, and really with her curls, it's not immediately obvious unless you know where to look.

But how funny! And, you know, nobody ever told them not to cut hair! And L was really trying to help Morgan out, as she had recently been given to understand that Morgan was afraid of getting her hair cut (true) and simply wanted to help Morgan overcome her anxiety. Really, when you put it like that, it was quite sweet of L to support her friend in that way. Morgan has evidently overcome her fear of haircuts, wouldn't you say?

And they really were very quiet, and isn't that the attribute we were praising them for? :o)